Looking up, I saw the building cross its arms then laugh at me.
Laugh at me. I had to be a thing that seemed prepared to flee.
Wind eyes glinted from yon caste, they cast a curse, I'd been cast out.
Stratum guard's lone datum barred me. Spite for name remained devout.
Standing like a stubborn cowlick raised on dream of grazing sky,
I continued my agenda, brought contempt in great supply.
Points of light appeared to hover, summoned by intensive hate.
Spectral threads were tracing vague behemoth, plot was adding weight.
Psychic outline gathered substance, limbs grew denser, body showed.
Thought-form sculpture drifted into being, photon fierceness glowed.
Lucent leopard, living quartz, assailed the air with vibrant might.
Hulking. Programmed. Purpose-built for smashing stuff to do what's right.
For some strange reason the line about a building crossing its arms really resonated with me. Maybe it's just how I feel sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis is really wondrous, a lot of stuff going on both sonically and metaphorically, all carefully juggled in an air of strange confidence. Maybe it's my own background, but to me it seems like someone rummaging through the "What the Bleep" techniques(or any new age self-empowerment method)to find the perfect revenge dish to serve cold. Eerie but effective.
ReplyDeleteGreat.
ReplyDeleteCompelling write.
ReplyDeleteFirst line hilarious. Wind Auge, window, nice Anglo-saxon memento. Liked the second 'laugh at me', implying something like: "The cheek!"
Loved the string of wordplay with caste, castle and cast out. Then I got lost. 'cowlick' :like salt lick for cattle and sheep? By now I am thinking: revisitng a place that holds bad memories.Confirmed and reinforced.
Lactic acid? I am slipping here without points of reference from my own personal experiences.Are we moving from person back to building? Could do with some help here. [Sorry to be so painfully honest :-)]
To begin, please don't be sorry. Cowlick is referring to hair on one's head that will not conform, like hair sticking up. The narrator is defiant like such hair.
DeleteI totally agree about the humor and defiance of that first line....I love the tone. I also like what you are doing with those short statements at the beginning of your lines....
ReplyDeleteI wish you could capture that building laughing at you on camera! Thankfully, you've painted the picture quite well with your words. :)
ReplyDeleteI dig the imagery. Of course, the word "Hulking" is used at the end, so the second time through I couldn't help but see the transformation of Hulk throughout the piece. To me it also gives a Dr. Manhattan vibe as well. I enjoy reading your work, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeletethe study of immortal hate and obdurate pride?Milton's Satan in metropolitan streets? what's more interesting is the clever punctuations which break off the rhythm and thus give a sense of flow even within the strict structures of rhyme.
ReplyDeleteI loved the flow and rhyme of your poem :-)
ReplyDeleteAh...smashing things to do what's right! Sometimes person just has to do what he has to do. I like the flow of your poem (some unique imagery), and do like the image of the building crossing its arms that others like!
ReplyDeleteJack,
ReplyDeleteI loved the surreal imagery which overtook my reading of your poem. Long arms crossed looking back at you and somehow even subsume you.....A wonderful poem!!!
Eileen
I adore the cowlick reference to standing stubborn and strong. I also like the scrutiny and meaning of Social Economic Smart. Smart. Smart.
ReplyDelete