We know better than thinking I'm better
Because I'm upset quite a bit, like a champion regretter.
You're not gullible, either. Relying
On lying or cautious re-lying may not be worth trying.
My neurosis--the locus of hopeless
Behavior--will focus on bad, but, for good, it is scopeless.
How a cynosure--sign of pure blessing--
Was siphoned completely of brightness is odd and depressing.
You had wanted to flaunt a specific
Identity, show a demeanor that seemed so munific.
But when everyone grabbed at resplendence
Composing you, union we grew fell to major dependence.
As nymphet of the dullard, your luster
Got duller, intelligent gleam you no longer could muster.
You're a bitch and a tale that I'm docking
From memory. Essence of you now is minor, but mocking.
Jack, this is a powerful write. The lying, relying, and re-lying; the rhymes; and the final stanza, YEAH! Also, a fave phrase: "My neurosis - the locus of hopeless." Gifted, you are. Peace, and thx for coming by my blog! Amy
ReplyDeletehttp://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/08/24/music-in-mind-thanks-to-my-fan/
This could well have been Jimmy Porter's taunting poem to Alison.brilliantly done.and the run-on lines do add a different dimension to your end-rhymed lines.great stuff.
ReplyDeleteChurning, raw, bitter feelings tumble relentlessly through this poem! A powerful piece!
ReplyDeleteExcellent composure. It's brilliant in the way this starts out controlled, with the transitions between sounds smooth and meticulous, then as it progresses the tone regresses. Much like an argument the jabs become stippled, less organized, and then the final punch.
ReplyDeleteJack.....I just love the unique style of your writing(look forward to your contribution to Poetry Pantry each week) and the interior rhyming words that trip along on my tongue. My favorite stanza is:
ReplyDelete"As nymphet of the dullard, your luster
Got duller, intelligent gleam you no longer could muster"
Hey, your opening gambit sounds like the story of my life! I often wish we understood better the source of the things said in argument or conversation, and appreciated the need from which they arise. Sadly, miscommunication seems unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteHits hard and I love your internal rhymes and word play, enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteRaw emotion at its finest - a really really great read!
ReplyDeleteWell - a wonderfully emotional read, with lots of terrific turn of phrases to marvel at. Very nicely done.
ReplyDeleteJack,
ReplyDeleteA very emotionally charged poem, filled with great experiences of reflection.
I think we have all had an experience like that Jack...
Eileen
I like your interesting play of internal and end rhymes, Jack. Very cleverly done.
ReplyDeleteThe opening couplet could be me--and it grabbed me--very emotional write!
ReplyDeleteWhew, powerful poem, which works with rhyming. I can feel the anger, the disappointment. The last stanza is very strong, the mocking will go on for a while, good docking.
ReplyDeleteStrong words, but so well depicting another cruel part of life...
ReplyDeleteA brilliant farewell to a former lover. I love the rhymes that blossom from your vast vocabulary. :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent!
ReplyDelete