At the Redbox rental kiosk, ninny held his woman tightly.
Such a dull, judgmental peon, with his panic showing sprightly.
So protective when that trophy is a thing I scoff at nightly.
If a woman wants some worth, she'll be ignoring me forthrightly.
I could love a common person were I birthed of common matter,
But instead my one perspective seems to only anti-flatter.
I would rather scratch a scab until it spits out angry splatter
Than go humor useless human via vigor-chipping chatter.
I want rareness, full awareness. Cunning, careful, vibrant speaking.
Not a drone that goads my cruellest mode to show then start critiquing.
Disappointment spread a theme throughout the very act of seeking.
I expect to be alone. Selective trend is far from peaking.
This does it for me. The rhythms absolutely suit the content. They carried me with the thought the whole way.
ReplyDeleteCan't even tell you how much I enjoyed this...
ReplyDeleteOh my....you should print this out and post it at the Redbox kiosk. I love that the poem is set here!!
ReplyDeleteRedbox must be the new DMV.
ReplyDeleteThe rhyme schemes here really gives this a commical, surreal feel. Cool piece.
ReplyDeleteGood modern touch to this one, though I never got the appeal of Redbox.
ReplyDeleteha, funny thing. First read: didn't like. Second read: liked. Third read: loved. Just goes to show. That's when poetry is at its best: when a perspective forces one out of a complacent place (where I was first read) and makes one see again on its terms. It's the feel of the piece I enjoy: its challenge (to both subject matter and reader). Thanks muchly.
ReplyDeleteWell-rhymed piece ... loved the lines !!!
ReplyDeleteLove it throughout. I enjoyed each and every word of it.
ReplyDeleteVisit my blog @ another part of me
I loved the rhyme,it was really fun to read through.
ReplyDeleteall the rancour of a cynic, blended with ironic, in a style that is unique that makes the poem chic.
ReplyDeleteEffective rhyme and rhythm again, Jack. Amazing how you can continue to do it! Love the last two lines. I agree with Cheesewolf....there is definitely something to the feel of the piece.
ReplyDeleteLove that rareness-full awareness! Fun poem :-)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this
ReplyDeleteBut fortunately found a mate to kiss
I think I'll print this out as a checklist and reminder.. never settle for anything less.
ReplyDeleteWell im visiting for the first time, and this is a genre im reading for the first time, in short Ill have to come here again for reading and finding this style.
ReplyDeleteLove the rhythm and rhyme in this fantastic message!
ReplyDeleteI don't waste my time with guys who can't keep me interested in a conversation. Most of them can't even keep it going for a few minutes... and I've got a lot of stories thanks to all the strange news I read as research for my writing. It is just hard to find someone to connect with, but that doesn't mean we should settle for less. :)