That cake knife
Will take life,
Make ache rife to ground him.
A greatly
Deflated
Elation impounds him.
A sordid
Assortment
Is vying for courtship,
There's corn chips
And porn clips
And idols to worship.
Distraction
Detracted
From valid commitment,
Compacted
The impact
Of mental equipment.
Assenting
To lessen
His ardor concluded
With partner
Discarded
And take-backs precluded.
No payback
Was suited
For using consumption
As something
To summon
Another's absumption.
She saved him,
Forgave him,
When suicide bluffing
Enslaved him,
Became him,
Brought patience rebuffing.
His shortcut,
The cutting,
Had shortened his study
Of gentle
Expression
That's verbal, not bloody.
He'd bully
By bleeding,
His reason depleting,
"You'll listen
Or lose me,"
He kept on repeating.
She listened,
But not for
The threat of his ending.
She loved him,
Believed that
A change was impending.
Her answer
To metal
And glass he would brandish
Was deeming
Her judgment
The answer to banish.
Requital
Was simple:
Distinctive admittance--
A tincture,
A pittance,
Of thankful submittance.
But when he'd
Recover,
A "thank you" was absent,
Then nagging
Would smack her,
Would daily seem nascent.
Her counsel
And comfort
Were both unrequired
To cancel
Or cover
What fury inspired.
His only
Objectives
Were fuss and coercion,
Despite them
Protecting
His solitaire version.
He took and
He took and
He took till she quit him,
Without new
Condolence,
She could not acquit him.
Until a
New victim
Can give him attention,
Subversive
Diversion
Will mimic sustention.
I love the clever word play -- the cake and balloons at the birthday party -- of the first two stanzas, and it seems to set the stage for a lifetime of violent manipulations, the trajectory of how it goes from outward to inward inflicted, with the same indifferent results from the "victims." I think.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Bill....your line breaks are interesting here, and the doubled-up rhymes make my head spin!
ReplyDeletesick style - you are branching out, yet keeping tight!
ReplyDeleteSo quick - reads like fencing. Really enjoyed the line-splitting draw of it all.
ReplyDeleteI like this variation.the juxtaposition of corn chips and porn clips was too cool.and the last stanza was superb too.
ReplyDeleteYou describe a manipulative sociopath with such aplomb in your witty wordplay.
ReplyDeleteI cheered when I got to these lines:
He took and
He took and
He took till she quit him!!!
Wow! A tale well woven. Unfortunately so many women fall into such a trap. Love your wordplay again. Your poems beg to be read aloud. You are a master.
ReplyDeleteFantastic play of words in this piece. And you describe a sociopath to a T. Good work!
ReplyDeleteThis has a great rhythm... I especially found this interesting..." A greatly/
ReplyDeleteDeflated /Elation impounds him." I love that... a greatly deflated elation... I love the rhymes and your word choices are so clever...and I was so happy she quit him!
Tightly drawn portrait, had me on the edge of my seat. Your words are like bullets shot from the borderline. I too, would enjoy hearing this read aloud.
ReplyDeleteflow master in the house )))))applause(((((
ReplyDeleteExcellent, in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteEvery line tells its own part of the story and your rhymes as always are flawless.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking lessons from you in rhyming!
ReplyDeleteExcellent. Loved these lines:
ReplyDeleteHe took and
He took and
He took till she quit him!!!
Your ability to rhyme is impressive - I enjoyed this poem!
Thanks,
Anne @ annelaura.com
Great use of words and rhyme.
ReplyDelete