She grabbed him by the epaulet
To wet his ear. An epithet
Was spat through ruse of etiquette.
"You stupid fuck, you'll die."
Her grit would be antithesis
Of having plight of Sisyphus.
If boulders met that impetus,
Their shattered parts would fly.
His envy kept her prisoner;
Resentment filled abyss in her.
When umbrage sought inhibitor,
A thumb transformed an eye.
Stanza one holds some solid advice!
ReplyDeleteYou make physical abuse and a violent relationship sound so lovely, Jack. How do you do it? ;-)
ReplyDeleteYour form and rhyme are lyrical and pleasing to the ear. Read it silently, then aloud. So enjoyable. I still smile at the fact that your topic and story line are dark, but it sounds so pretty. This is an interesting juxtaposition.
Sisyphus is always interesting to use in poetry.
ReplyDeleteExcellent
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
I agree with Kim. How do you make such dark scenes sound so beautiful? Lovely rhymes... rhythmic rhymes... chatter that chimes. :)
ReplyDeleteI like the mix of extreme form and obscenity....the ending of the first stanza is intense (and just right).
ReplyDeleteA dark piece....but nicely done:-))
ReplyDeleteWhew!
ReplyDeleteExtreme emotion in verse. I was envisioning many of the scenes that I remember from classical mythology. Interesting to me that it was there that the words took me. A very interesting read.
ReplyDeleteLove the words in this poem. Unexpected last line left me shaken.
ReplyDeletegreat write! The first two lines really made me chuckle (am I bad - I dunno). The last line is a killer. I'm going to watch Chinatown tonight - think I'll read this again before watching: it's sure to add to the enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteI was affected similarly. One is reading a lilting rhyming piece, discovering at the same time the topic is dark. Well done. A little unsettling which, given the topic, is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI so love your sense of rhythm and cadence Jack--and there is a real sense of enjoyment in this piece for me--
ReplyDeleteDark and tightly written! The last line in each verse packs a real punch! And the rhyme adds, rather than detracts, to the tension! LIKE.
ReplyDeleteLove the rhymes again, Jack; and your story line is dark but musical! Love the originality.
ReplyDeleteGreat rhymes indeed. Glad to visit your site and read your work sir :)
ReplyDelete